One Step at a Time…

It is so easy to criticize someone until you find yourself in his or her shoes.

Grief is one human experience that is unique to the individual who is currently processing and trying to cope with a loss.

What has been lost and the impact it has depends only on the individual who is currently “going through”.

I vividly remember a friend’s experience with grief and the lukewarm response of those around her. These “friends” mocked her for taking special care to protect that which was important to her, and once she lost and was in the midst of her grief, they attempted to console her.

Unfortunately, it was a little too late for the grieving friend, and she rejected those friends while she coped with her loss. Some were able to reconcile and others remain at odds.

My question is, shouldn’t a real friend allow one to grieve, and this may include giving that individual space for as long as needed, without criticizing the grieving process?

Though I was deemed to be a great friend by the griever once that time passed, I distinctly remember having selfish thoughts about why this friend isolated herself for such a long period of time.

I am now convicted as the revolving mirror of life has allowed me to see myself in a similar position as that friend.

I wonder how people can make flippant statements towards a griever, but I remember how even the best of us with the best intentions can be selfish at times.

The best the griever can do, is realize that he or she should only do what they feel they desire to do, while searching for a way back to normalcy.

This means saying, “No.” with a period at the end (Thanks Kendra ; ) and not feeling as though you have to explain yourself to others, especially those who clearly don’t care enough to handle your precious heart delicately. In other words, as the Bible tells us, “don’t cast your pearls amongst swine”.

The one sure thing is that God will see you out of it, just ask the Savior to help you.

Realize the following:

1) It’s okay to not participate in events that will remind you of your loss during the grieving process.

2) Grief is a multi-phase process, of which you may experience all or a few of: sadness, numbness, anger, depression, fatigue, regret, guilt, etc. And this is okay.

3) Time may become irrelevant, and this is okay.

4) The world will continue to move on as you take a break from your normal routine, and this is okay.

5) Whenever you are ready you can gradually re-enter your old routine, if desired, and this is okay.

6) Remove yourself from people who criticize your process with no intention of helping you, for this is toxic.

7) Real friends can support you by being there and/or leaving you alone, as you take it…


God Bless You!

You are so gonna make it! So keep your head up.


2 responses to “One Step at a Time…

  1. Thank you for your wisdom, Valencya.

    It’s always good to be reassured that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long the tunnel may be.

    Best wishes,


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