Real Love

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I am so in love right now!

I cannot tell you by simply using words how many different thoughts about parenthood, childhood, and the great expectations I have about my son’s arrival.

I am currently 31 weeks 1 day (approaching 2 days) pregnant & I am absolutely ecstatic. Some of you know my story and others may be new to my writings. Either way, I am 4 years, 3 months married and my spouse and I have been a couple for 8 years. Geesh that sounds like a lot of time to me being in my early 30s. My spouse and I have experienced 3 confirmed miscarriages, though I believe there were more, and needless to say, the road to parenthood  has been difficult and sad for us.

Well in the midst of all of the love  I have been feeling, I have been doing a lot of reflection, and I have come to the realization that the painful parts of my journey have caused me to receive God’s love and appreciate God’s blessings even more!

I now realize with the life that I feel growing and moving inside of me that my priorities have completely shifted, it’s like nothing else even matters at all.  Allow me to be clear, individuals who know me understand that historically I am a very ambitious woman with many goals, and I typically have no problem with pursuing more than one project at once.

Yet something is quite different this time. It is as though I have tunnel vision and laser focus about the life of this child God has blessed me with and all other former priorities will have to “get in where they fit in”.

I remember my younger years and the plans that I had for myself, even back in high school. My plan was to attend a four year university, be married by 22 upon graduation, have my first child by 25, and you get the picture.

I don’t even know where those arbitrary timelines came from, I guess somewhere in my young teenage mind they sounded nice.

I didn’t stop there with the goals though, once I was actually married at 27 years old, my husband and I set a goal to have children by 3 years in.  This meant somewhere around year 2 we would begin trying. Because we were on birth control, I heard somewhere that it may take a while before we would find success once we came off it. You can only imagine the shock I felt when I experienced my first pregnancy shortly after! Truth be told, I can recall sitting on my living room couch in utter terror thinking something like, “we’re pregnant…what now?”

In other words, somewhere in my gut I felt we weren’t ready & I know as embarrassing as it is to say, I wasn’t ready to love as hard as I am now. I just desired to have a baby because it sounded like something married people were “supposed” to get started on by that point in marriage & besides “I wasn’t getting any younger.”

I mean who makes this stuff up anyways? We humans can truly be a piece of work on ourselves at times. Thank God for mercy and grace.

Would you know me, formerly “Ms. Socialite” & “be all to any and everybody” now finds her greatest joy being at home with her husband and dog, all while holding onto her belly with visions of her baby?

God is completely awesome! What is my point? Even this blessed pregnancy that shall result in victory has contained trials of its own, yet I am able to count it all joy simply because of God’s majestic design.

There is really much truth in the saying that “rainy days allow us to appreciate God’s sunshine”. Lord knows I am a “living testimony”.  Furthermore, things that I thought were simplistic in nature before have now become the things I value most in life.

And that my friends is my definition of REAL love.

Your take away: before you run off to pursue your laundry list of plans, ask yourself, “why is this important by this time?” “did I check with God?” “what will I gain or lose?” “Can this wait?”

God Bless.

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